I FOUND A PUBLISHER!!!
Looks like it is going to be a reality. I called on an artist to start the cover design and I am in final final edit. I have business cards on the way that say Author under my name and am waiting to hear the words "deadline". This is all very dreamlike.
So, now what? Yeah, now what? Have people asking when and what now and I don't know.
I don't know when or how or what.
I don't know any more than I did before.
It's crazy that you think writing is the hard part. Yeah, that is so not true.
Writing was the easy part. Now, is when the real work begins.
Now is just the beginning!
Until next time.
Casey
PS....ironic that no one but I reads this....really hope it's not a sign. HA!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
What Now?
Well...the results are in!
The "in-house" critic called it "the best story she has ever read" and my sister has not "been this sucked in to a story since The Shack" and also sent me the most touching email ever about the way it made her feel, think, cry and laugh. I am still in the "oh my god" phase of this positive feedback.
My best friend has been reading slowly but did, in fact, blow up my phone for the next chapters. My "northern" best friend also has it but I have not heard any feedback yet...he is, however, a city slicker and probably busy with the night life. I will wait patiently.....LIE...I will text him today!
The kids have begun....they like it, but have not had that "can't put in down...OMG MOM! This is unbelievable!" reviews I was hoping for. A neighbor of my mom's is going to read it, my niece will read and another friend and her daughter will read next week when they return from vacation.
Those reviews will be honest as they do not know the hidden references to my real life that serve as memory or humor to my sister or mom. I wonder if those inferences made it more entertaining for my close family?
But, aside from the others, my dad also has it. Now, he is forgetful so it may take awhile for him to remember he has it. He is also tired and naps alot due to his cancer fighting medications. But, he is also a writer and busy with writing his latest venture, which is about baseball so he is passionate, excited and consumed with finishing it.
But, his review is also important for me...because of his writing, but also, because of his view on the things I wrote about....family, heritage, music, love, God, loss, friendship, and life.
This list could go on and on and be filled with people I want to read the story...I want the world to read it. How do I go about doing that? I have checked into some of it and it seems like a dead-end road. There must be a publisher out there though, looking for this kind of story. I have faith that there is. And I have faith I will find them.
What now?
Re-edit over and over while I look for a publisher to read it?
Keep my head up...
Stay positive.....
Pray......
Have faith....
Maybe I will call Oprah....LOL!
Until next time
Casey
The "in-house" critic called it "the best story she has ever read" and my sister has not "been this sucked in to a story since The Shack" and also sent me the most touching email ever about the way it made her feel, think, cry and laugh. I am still in the "oh my god" phase of this positive feedback.
My best friend has been reading slowly but did, in fact, blow up my phone for the next chapters. My "northern" best friend also has it but I have not heard any feedback yet...he is, however, a city slicker and probably busy with the night life. I will wait patiently.....LIE...I will text him today!
The kids have begun....they like it, but have not had that "can't put in down...OMG MOM! This is unbelievable!" reviews I was hoping for. A neighbor of my mom's is going to read it, my niece will read and another friend and her daughter will read next week when they return from vacation.
Those reviews will be honest as they do not know the hidden references to my real life that serve as memory or humor to my sister or mom. I wonder if those inferences made it more entertaining for my close family?
But, aside from the others, my dad also has it. Now, he is forgetful so it may take awhile for him to remember he has it. He is also tired and naps alot due to his cancer fighting medications. But, he is also a writer and busy with writing his latest venture, which is about baseball so he is passionate, excited and consumed with finishing it.
But, his review is also important for me...because of his writing, but also, because of his view on the things I wrote about....family, heritage, music, love, God, loss, friendship, and life.
This list could go on and on and be filled with people I want to read the story...I want the world to read it. How do I go about doing that? I have checked into some of it and it seems like a dead-end road. There must be a publisher out there though, looking for this kind of story. I have faith that there is. And I have faith I will find them.
What now?
Re-edit over and over while I look for a publisher to read it?
Keep my head up...
Stay positive.....
Pray......
Have faith....
Maybe I will call Oprah....LOL!
Until next time
Casey
Monday, July 26, 2010
The FINAL edit!
WOW!
It's been a long time since I last wrote here. Sorry about that.
My book is in final edit. That is such a good feeling. I sent the first six chapters to my "in house" editor. My lifelong critic of fashion, hair styles and boy choices. My forever critic of room cleaning, mess making and long distance phone calling. My best critic and my worst, all in one....my mother.
She loves it!
Now, I hear you all now. "Of course, she loves it! She's your mother!"
You have to know the woman. She is by far, honest in everything. Even when it comes to me.
But, it is more than that. This is a true success story. An amazing feat of literary success in the hands of a woman who can't make it through the opening credits of a movie and must "read" books on cassettes in order to make it to chapter 2 , as in her approaching destiny of pre-retirement, falls asleep as soon as she stops moving and the cat jumps on her lap.
She made it through SIX CHAPTERS! This is great news.
My sister also has the first six chapters. Now she is no critic of me at all. Not even slightly. She is all pro-me. But, honest as well. And the most that may surface is her inability to understand it due to lack of time in her "post-closing, current re-do and pre-equity phase" of the new house, or the inability to focus on it in her "got two kids, a husband, a cat and dog, not to mention a new pool" life. I won't hold it against her.
Now, if she takes the time to text or call instead of email...I may faint right on the spot.
The last chapters will be edited and ready by the week's end. Two of which will be emailed to mother tomorrow so she can stop bugging me about them and catch a nap.
What to do after that, I do not know.
My best friend has six chapters as well. Her honesty in most of life true. But I do not think she will critique. She will be calm. And she will say she likes it. I don't look for her to be blowin' up my phone for more chapters though. She is a book expert and has read the best. Her interest will falter quickly, I am sure. I will be replaced by Alex Cross by Chapter 4. I don't feel bad about that at all. I am no James Patterson!
How do the unknown become known? How do the inexperienced get experience? The un-agented get agented? The unpublished become published. I do not have those answers. Not even sure those are the right questions.
And I am not out to make a million. Or even be famous. I just want people to read it.
But, until then, I will finish the final edit. I will celebrate when that is done and I can click PRINT.
And then I will sit and look at the 100-plus pages of double spaced literary accomplishment and say "what now?".
That is the right question.
Until next time.
Casey
It's been a long time since I last wrote here. Sorry about that.
My book is in final edit. That is such a good feeling. I sent the first six chapters to my "in house" editor. My lifelong critic of fashion, hair styles and boy choices. My forever critic of room cleaning, mess making and long distance phone calling. My best critic and my worst, all in one....my mother.
She loves it!
Now, I hear you all now. "Of course, she loves it! She's your mother!"
You have to know the woman. She is by far, honest in everything. Even when it comes to me.
But, it is more than that. This is a true success story. An amazing feat of literary success in the hands of a woman who can't make it through the opening credits of a movie and must "read" books on cassettes in order to make it to chapter 2 , as in her approaching destiny of pre-retirement, falls asleep as soon as she stops moving and the cat jumps on her lap.
She made it through SIX CHAPTERS! This is great news.
My sister also has the first six chapters. Now she is no critic of me at all. Not even slightly. She is all pro-me. But, honest as well. And the most that may surface is her inability to understand it due to lack of time in her "post-closing, current re-do and pre-equity phase" of the new house, or the inability to focus on it in her "got two kids, a husband, a cat and dog, not to mention a new pool" life. I won't hold it against her.
Now, if she takes the time to text or call instead of email...I may faint right on the spot.
The last chapters will be edited and ready by the week's end. Two of which will be emailed to mother tomorrow so she can stop bugging me about them and catch a nap.
What to do after that, I do not know.
My best friend has six chapters as well. Her honesty in most of life true. But I do not think she will critique. She will be calm. And she will say she likes it. I don't look for her to be blowin' up my phone for more chapters though. She is a book expert and has read the best. Her interest will falter quickly, I am sure. I will be replaced by Alex Cross by Chapter 4. I don't feel bad about that at all. I am no James Patterson!
How do the unknown become known? How do the inexperienced get experience? The un-agented get agented? The unpublished become published. I do not have those answers. Not even sure those are the right questions.
And I am not out to make a million. Or even be famous. I just want people to read it.
But, until then, I will finish the final edit. I will celebrate when that is done and I can click PRINT.
And then I will sit and look at the 100-plus pages of double spaced literary accomplishment and say "what now?".
That is the right question.
Until next time.
Casey
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Back in my own land...
Sorry i stopped writing from Colorado. I just couldn't keep up and the negative energy flowed and I won't do that here.
I am home now and back in my own land...my own room, my own bed, my own rules. HA! That is a funny thought that I control this destiny. I so don't.
My life is controlled by outside forces as is everyones. Jobs, work, money, kids, friends...all is controlled. My life as of right now is controlled by my book, my kids, my house...and my money.
Life is good. It is exactly the way it should be. I am happy. I hope my kids are. Granted my son would prefer more frozen pizza and my daughter more mac and cheese. One daughter would prefer less cigarettes and two of my kids would prefer better transportation than they currently have, but overall, happiness is evident.
Goals are still waiting to be reached, however, and deadlines are looming near. It's been a great ride though and although times are about to change, we are ready for those changes. Maybe not welcoming them, but ready all the same.
Friends are plentiful all the way around and that is always a great thing. Great times and good friends. True friends. Not the people you know of or have heard of but the ones that walk in without knocking and can text at all hours...those kind of friends. True ones. The ones who know your parents. The ones who borrow money and pay it back. The ones who would never eat the last oreo or drink the last beer but yet, you wouldn't get mad if they did. Yep, those kinds of friends. We got those!!
So, all in all, life is good. We have sadness and turmoil. But we help each other through it. We have laughs and humor! We have a great time!
That's all for now. It's great to be home, back in my own land!
Until next time,
Casey
I am home now and back in my own land...my own room, my own bed, my own rules. HA! That is a funny thought that I control this destiny. I so don't.
My life is controlled by outside forces as is everyones. Jobs, work, money, kids, friends...all is controlled. My life as of right now is controlled by my book, my kids, my house...and my money.
Life is good. It is exactly the way it should be. I am happy. I hope my kids are. Granted my son would prefer more frozen pizza and my daughter more mac and cheese. One daughter would prefer less cigarettes and two of my kids would prefer better transportation than they currently have, but overall, happiness is evident.
Goals are still waiting to be reached, however, and deadlines are looming near. It's been a great ride though and although times are about to change, we are ready for those changes. Maybe not welcoming them, but ready all the same.
Friends are plentiful all the way around and that is always a great thing. Great times and good friends. True friends. Not the people you know of or have heard of but the ones that walk in without knocking and can text at all hours...those kind of friends. True ones. The ones who know your parents. The ones who borrow money and pay it back. The ones who would never eat the last oreo or drink the last beer but yet, you wouldn't get mad if they did. Yep, those kinds of friends. We got those!!
So, all in all, life is good. We have sadness and turmoil. But we help each other through it. We have laughs and humor! We have a great time!
That's all for now. It's great to be home, back in my own land!
Until next time,
Casey
Thursday, May 6, 2010
From the Windy State of Confusion...aka Colorado
I write from the state of confusion...aka Colorado. The windy state of confusion. Not only does the wind literally blow, but the mental wind also blows. The mental state of confusion on being here and missing home.
I miss my kids, my house, my friends. I miss Natalie. I miss Iowa. I miss things being mine.
I am here to help my mother and although I love helping...it's not my stuff to sell, keep or throw away so I can not choose to do so. So, I ask and I wait. Minds are changed two or three times. Justifications are made, excuses are heard. Explanations are listened to....ugh!
I miss Iowa. I miss my kids. I miss my house. I miss my family.
I miss Daddy.
This is his stuff and he should be here...mad that I moved everything!
Until next time (sorry...can't write right now)
Casey
I miss my kids, my house, my friends. I miss Natalie. I miss Iowa. I miss things being mine.
I am here to help my mother and although I love helping...it's not my stuff to sell, keep or throw away so I can not choose to do so. So, I ask and I wait. Minds are changed two or three times. Justifications are made, excuses are heard. Explanations are listened to....ugh!
I miss Iowa. I miss my kids. I miss my house. I miss my family.
I miss Daddy.
This is his stuff and he should be here...mad that I moved everything!
Until next time (sorry...can't write right now)
Casey
Monday, April 19, 2010
And so it is finally here....
What is finally here? THIS WEEK! The week prior to my vacation. I have had this planned for 3 months now and it is finally here.
I leave Saturday for my first solo vacation EVER!! That's right. Not since I left home at 18 have I gone anywhere by myself. Isn't that crazy? That's what 26 years of kids will do to ya!
Where am I going? Well, first, Saturday I am taking a bus to Omaha to spend the weekend with my best friend. I chose a bus because it is cheaper but also am using the 5 hours as research for the book...you know, hands on feeling of travel on a bus. Not even taking laptop...gonna write with pen and paper just like my 1974 era main character.
Then Monday morning, I take to the skies and fly to Colorado. Haven't flown since 1986! Well, except for a short helicopter ride I took at an airshow a few years back.
So, a little nervous about that but it is a non-stop and only 2 hours. And I love to fly so I'm thrilled.
So much to do this week though. Gotta get the house in order so kids don't mess it up (man, who am I kidding?) and get all my stuff packed. Will be gone a month so am taking the works. I know, a month, right?
I will be gone for Mother's Day. That will be strange. But, I will be with MY mother. That does count since I haven't been since 1986! Holy crap! That sounds really crazy, doesn't it. Well, she lives there, I live here and since I have not gone anywhere...it all adds up. Still crazy!
I have something odd plaguing me though...as excited as I am to go...and as much as I have looked forward to this...I can't wait to get home. What the heck is that? Is it because I have never done this? Is it some kind of sixth sense? What is it? Is it some kind of weird accomplishment thing. Once I am back, I will have succeeded? I have had this whole, "I just want it to be here so I am there" thing going on. Like a goal that I reach kind of feeling. Then I have anticipated and worried about the kids dealing with the "on their own" thing....I shouldn't. They are great kids and I know they will do fine. What is it? Deep down, I worry about Dad, too. What if something happens? Although I have nothing that indicates I should worry. But I do. Maybe that is just what I do. Maybe it is the lack of control. Being in my position, as Mom and household "manager", I have always been in control. Not in a bad way but in a "keep things going" way. I need to relax and enjoy, I know. I need to put this energy into my book. Use the way I feel and give it to my character. She too has left home for the first time and the fear she must have, I have not conveyed. I have come to realize that excitement is only one of the emotions she has. And, although I am not a child like she is, I feel like one. This is going to be a great vacation. I really feel that.
Bittersweet on many levels. I haven't mention WHY I am going. We lost a very special person in our life last October. My mom's husband of 29 years passed away. My kids lost their Papa; my mom lost her best friend and I lost my "daddy". The term "step-father" never applied. It was sudden and I think, still, we are in disbelief. The kids and I went to Colorado when it happened and still it doesn't seem real.
So, now, six months later, I return to help with the estate sale. The task of choosing what to keep and what not. I go to help my mom and sister decide what part of their everyday life can be parted with. See, I have it easy. My everyday life did not change. My day in and day out existence stayed the same. Sad as that is, life for me went on. Theirs came to a crashing halt. I can be in denial for the rest of my life and pretend he is still there...they can not. They have dealt with it everyday for the last six months. I have not. When I get there though, I will not be able to pretend it did not happen. He won't be at work. I know that deep down, this is not a "fun" vacation. I know this will not be easy. And deep down, I don't want to do it. But, I know my mom doesn't either. My sister doesn't either. But, I also know we NEED to do this. My mom needs to do this.
And so that is why I go. And maybe that is the apprehension I feel. Until now, I could just pretend it is a "fun" time. Bittersweet. It will be fun. We will make it fun. We have to make it a good time. Tears, yes! There will be many. But, ones of good memories too. He was an awesome man! A truly great guy. So much fun! And so many laughs. Laughed til we cried! And that won't change!
Until next time and probably from Colorado...
Casey
I leave Saturday for my first solo vacation EVER!! That's right. Not since I left home at 18 have I gone anywhere by myself. Isn't that crazy? That's what 26 years of kids will do to ya!
Where am I going? Well, first, Saturday I am taking a bus to Omaha to spend the weekend with my best friend. I chose a bus because it is cheaper but also am using the 5 hours as research for the book...you know, hands on feeling of travel on a bus. Not even taking laptop...gonna write with pen and paper just like my 1974 era main character.
Then Monday morning, I take to the skies and fly to Colorado. Haven't flown since 1986! Well, except for a short helicopter ride I took at an airshow a few years back.
So, a little nervous about that but it is a non-stop and only 2 hours. And I love to fly so I'm thrilled.
So much to do this week though. Gotta get the house in order so kids don't mess it up (man, who am I kidding?) and get all my stuff packed. Will be gone a month so am taking the works. I know, a month, right?
I will be gone for Mother's Day. That will be strange. But, I will be with MY mother. That does count since I haven't been since 1986! Holy crap! That sounds really crazy, doesn't it. Well, she lives there, I live here and since I have not gone anywhere...it all adds up. Still crazy!
I have something odd plaguing me though...as excited as I am to go...and as much as I have looked forward to this...I can't wait to get home. What the heck is that? Is it because I have never done this? Is it some kind of sixth sense? What is it? Is it some kind of weird accomplishment thing. Once I am back, I will have succeeded? I have had this whole, "I just want it to be here so I am there" thing going on. Like a goal that I reach kind of feeling. Then I have anticipated and worried about the kids dealing with the "on their own" thing....I shouldn't. They are great kids and I know they will do fine. What is it? Deep down, I worry about Dad, too. What if something happens? Although I have nothing that indicates I should worry. But I do. Maybe that is just what I do. Maybe it is the lack of control. Being in my position, as Mom and household "manager", I have always been in control. Not in a bad way but in a "keep things going" way. I need to relax and enjoy, I know. I need to put this energy into my book. Use the way I feel and give it to my character. She too has left home for the first time and the fear she must have, I have not conveyed. I have come to realize that excitement is only one of the emotions she has. And, although I am not a child like she is, I feel like one. This is going to be a great vacation. I really feel that.
Bittersweet on many levels. I haven't mention WHY I am going. We lost a very special person in our life last October. My mom's husband of 29 years passed away. My kids lost their Papa; my mom lost her best friend and I lost my "daddy". The term "step-father" never applied. It was sudden and I think, still, we are in disbelief. The kids and I went to Colorado when it happened and still it doesn't seem real.
So, now, six months later, I return to help with the estate sale. The task of choosing what to keep and what not. I go to help my mom and sister decide what part of their everyday life can be parted with. See, I have it easy. My everyday life did not change. My day in and day out existence stayed the same. Sad as that is, life for me went on. Theirs came to a crashing halt. I can be in denial for the rest of my life and pretend he is still there...they can not. They have dealt with it everyday for the last six months. I have not. When I get there though, I will not be able to pretend it did not happen. He won't be at work. I know that deep down, this is not a "fun" vacation. I know this will not be easy. And deep down, I don't want to do it. But, I know my mom doesn't either. My sister doesn't either. But, I also know we NEED to do this. My mom needs to do this.
And so that is why I go. And maybe that is the apprehension I feel. Until now, I could just pretend it is a "fun" time. Bittersweet. It will be fun. We will make it fun. We have to make it a good time. Tears, yes! There will be many. But, ones of good memories too. He was an awesome man! A truly great guy. So much fun! And so many laughs. Laughed til we cried! And that won't change!
Until next time and probably from Colorado...
Casey
Saturday, April 17, 2010
DEEP THOUGHTS....
So, I was doing some email checking and facebook searching and came across one of those survey pages...you know the ones. Yeah, well this one was a little different. The questions it asked were very deep. Like do you want to marry and why. (okay that one a little middle school but not really) What is your purpose in life? Better. Do you think dreams have meaning? WOW! What do you want to do with your life? Hard. Who is your hero and why? Great! Do you believe in soul mates? Love it. And my personal favorite...Are you pleased with yourself and why or why not. HOLY CRAP!
Think about your answers to these questions and you may realize why I am so stunned. Normally these surveys are pointless and juvenile. This one really made me think. And I still am. I started to answer them there and realized THIS is where I need to address them.
The married one. WOW! That one, at first, seemed so 6th grade. But then I thought about the real question and my answer. First of all, a sixth grader would probably answer "YES!" without even thinking about it as she would be thinking pretty white dress, flowers, rings, romance and cake. And I think for most of us when we first got married, that IS what we were thinking. It was the WEDDING we wanted.
I can only speak for myself. But I am pretty well versed on this subject. I have been married 3 times! YEAH, I said 3. Each time was different. Each time was special. Each time was because of love but underneath that was other things. Lets tear it apart and see where I go...LOL! Might learn something about me here. HMMMMM...
Okay first time...
I was head over heels. That young fancy love. That silly young stuff. But, wow! IT WAS HUGE! Two kids but young love, pretty boy, we were doomed.
Next...
Well, it was love. He was funny and laughed a lot. He wasn't a pretty boy and due to my first husband's "cute so all the women wanted him" demeanor, I liked that. He took to my boys and wanted kids of his own. I did love him. I loved him very much. We had fun together. But, he is only good in the "honeymoon" stage and then too negative and self-centered. Three kids but couldn't take the negativity!
So, then what made me do it again? Yeah, well...
When I was 36, I met a guy. He was handsome, charming in a bad boy way, protective, outgoing, and 27! But I was crazy in love. More than I ever had been. It felt so different on so many levels. It was deep. Into my soul. He truly was my best friend. But, he was angry at life and didn't have faith that he could be loved. We loved him no matter what he did. He would curse and yell. He was rude and would just take off out of anger. We loved him anyway. This went on for years. It got better. He got better and we were good together. But, just like that it changed. He became who he used to be. Yelling and cursing. Rude. Mean. And, then he left. Just like that. I didn't chase after him like in the past and I didn't beg him to come back. We (the kids and me) let him go. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I loved him with all my heart and soul.
So, do I want to be married?
No, not because I want to be married. I want a best friend and I want to be one. Forever. Not only while it suits them or gives them something. I want a person to share my life with and be shared with. I want it to be a two way street not a one way alley. My past relationships have not be two way. In someway they were all one sided. That isn't the way it is supposed to be; I want to be loved like I love. Deeply and unconditionally. The way my parents love each other. I want to be the breath he takes every morning and the dreams he has at night. I want him to see who I really am and love me even more than he loved who he saw on the outside. I want to feel like I am his world and not question for a minute how he feels. And I want him to feel the same. No negative, self-centered wannabe bullies need apply. I want romance and tenderness. Outgoing playfulness. Strong but not mean. I want real love and if that leads to marriage, so be it. Am I looking for marriage? No! Am I looking for anything? No. If it finds me, am I ready? Yeah, I am. Do I believe in soul mates? Damn straight I do. What is my purpose? Still working on that. Am I pleased? Yes, I am. I have raised 5 great kids in times of complete stress and they love the heck out of me and I worship them! I am a good friend and a great daughter. My parents are proud of who I have become. I am funny and silly yet not immature. I can overcome huge odds. I am doing ok. Even on a bad hair day. LOL! The weight issue is there and I am at odds with it but it doesn't define who I am. I am the same person- there is just more of me to love! HA!
Again, this blog didn't turn out how I intended. But, it's here all the same. I should make notes first so I say what I want instead of my brain leading the way down the path of rambling. Oh well, the questions are here...you can still answer them. What are your thoughts? It's very therapeutic. Really. Not as good as fishing but what the heck. Still works.
I wish I were fishing. Sitting quietly on the bank, sun shining warm, soft smell of weeds and dirt, line in the water, pole in my hand, cool drink beside me, slight tug on my line...wait for it....wait for it.....ahhhhh, yes! I wish I were fishing.
Until next time.
Casey
Think about your answers to these questions and you may realize why I am so stunned. Normally these surveys are pointless and juvenile. This one really made me think. And I still am. I started to answer them there and realized THIS is where I need to address them.
The married one. WOW! That one, at first, seemed so 6th grade. But then I thought about the real question and my answer. First of all, a sixth grader would probably answer "YES!" without even thinking about it as she would be thinking pretty white dress, flowers, rings, romance and cake. And I think for most of us when we first got married, that IS what we were thinking. It was the WEDDING we wanted.
I can only speak for myself. But I am pretty well versed on this subject. I have been married 3 times! YEAH, I said 3. Each time was different. Each time was special. Each time was because of love but underneath that was other things. Lets tear it apart and see where I go...LOL! Might learn something about me here. HMMMMM...
Okay first time...
I was head over heels. That young fancy love. That silly young stuff. But, wow! IT WAS HUGE! Two kids but young love, pretty boy, we were doomed.
Next...
Well, it was love. He was funny and laughed a lot. He wasn't a pretty boy and due to my first husband's "cute so all the women wanted him" demeanor, I liked that. He took to my boys and wanted kids of his own. I did love him. I loved him very much. We had fun together. But, he is only good in the "honeymoon" stage and then too negative and self-centered. Three kids but couldn't take the negativity!
So, then what made me do it again? Yeah, well...
When I was 36, I met a guy. He was handsome, charming in a bad boy way, protective, outgoing, and 27! But I was crazy in love. More than I ever had been. It felt so different on so many levels. It was deep. Into my soul. He truly was my best friend. But, he was angry at life and didn't have faith that he could be loved. We loved him no matter what he did. He would curse and yell. He was rude and would just take off out of anger. We loved him anyway. This went on for years. It got better. He got better and we were good together. But, just like that it changed. He became who he used to be. Yelling and cursing. Rude. Mean. And, then he left. Just like that. I didn't chase after him like in the past and I didn't beg him to come back. We (the kids and me) let him go. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I loved him with all my heart and soul.
So, do I want to be married?
No, not because I want to be married. I want a best friend and I want to be one. Forever. Not only while it suits them or gives them something. I want a person to share my life with and be shared with. I want it to be a two way street not a one way alley. My past relationships have not be two way. In someway they were all one sided. That isn't the way it is supposed to be; I want to be loved like I love. Deeply and unconditionally. The way my parents love each other. I want to be the breath he takes every morning and the dreams he has at night. I want him to see who I really am and love me even more than he loved who he saw on the outside. I want to feel like I am his world and not question for a minute how he feels. And I want him to feel the same. No negative, self-centered wannabe bullies need apply. I want romance and tenderness. Outgoing playfulness. Strong but not mean. I want real love and if that leads to marriage, so be it. Am I looking for marriage? No! Am I looking for anything? No. If it finds me, am I ready? Yeah, I am. Do I believe in soul mates? Damn straight I do. What is my purpose? Still working on that. Am I pleased? Yes, I am. I have raised 5 great kids in times of complete stress and they love the heck out of me and I worship them! I am a good friend and a great daughter. My parents are proud of who I have become. I am funny and silly yet not immature. I can overcome huge odds. I am doing ok. Even on a bad hair day. LOL! The weight issue is there and I am at odds with it but it doesn't define who I am. I am the same person- there is just more of me to love! HA!
Again, this blog didn't turn out how I intended. But, it's here all the same. I should make notes first so I say what I want instead of my brain leading the way down the path of rambling. Oh well, the questions are here...you can still answer them. What are your thoughts? It's very therapeutic. Really. Not as good as fishing but what the heck. Still works.
I wish I were fishing. Sitting quietly on the bank, sun shining warm, soft smell of weeds and dirt, line in the water, pole in my hand, cool drink beside me, slight tug on my line...wait for it....wait for it.....ahhhhh, yes! I wish I were fishing.
Until next time.
Casey
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Still Here....
And so I am still here and apparently averaging a blog every 10 days. NOT a good record. At least not what I was aiming for. But, not bad considering the countless hard copy attempts at the same thing dating back to 1987. Probably earlier if I really look.
So, what is there about today; right now that sparked this once again lame attempt at communication and who exactly am I communicating to? WOW, that was a horrible sentence. And probably not one by definition but I do know what I asked so I will continue. What sparked it? Well, I thought "damn, I should write a little tonight" and then I said "oh but its almost 2" and then I thought, "hey I haven't been on my little blog site in a while. I should probably go there." And here I am.
This is ridiculously lame. Good lord. Maybe I need therapy. No, this is cheaper and far more fun. Fun for me, anyway. You? Well, don't know what to tell you there. Still reading? Maybe YOU need therapy. Or a puppy. Hell, go play scrabble with yourself. Just kidding. If anyone is out there reading, well read on, my friend. And welcome to my world of wordy madness.
Okay now who am I communicating to. Is that even right. Can you communicate TO someone. Don't you have to communicate WITH them? I mean by definition anyway? I should have probably said who am I writing to. Or for? Who am I writing for? Oh, gracious!
I think I have already covered my inability to write properly. Correctly? Well, yeah, you know. That was always my problem in writing my great novel. The run on sentences, passive voice;the list goes on and on. I fixed that problem though. Gave my main character the same inability. Plus she's 11. And from Iowa. So yeah, she writes like an 11 year old little girl from Iowa in 1974. Perfect for me! I have managed to put over 20,000 words on paper now. Pretty happy about that. It's getting good. I am once again happy with it's direction. Good stuff. I will let you know when it's available at Kmart.
We grilled this weekend. The weather was glorious. The burgers were superb and the company was excellent. My kids, my brother and the grand baby. Only one of three, but still a good day. Tomorrow is basement cleaning day. I am actually excited about it. How sad is that? True though. Been looking forward to it. But, I get benefit out of it. The craft room will be up and functional. That is a good thing. And my daughters room will be functional! THAT is a good thing.
So, life is filled with good things. Soon to be clean basement. Character heading in the right direction and book coming to life. Vacation to Colorado in 10 days! Life is good.
Don't get me wrong though...I still have bad hair days, even though I just went yesterday for cut and color...ugh! Ask in a week. My weight still has me in a mess! What the heck...the earth must be a weird gravitational pull. Yeah, I am gonna go with that one. And well...hell, I'm cleaning my own basement and I started my own grill. You figure it out. But hey...no dirty socks to pick up and the toilet seat is always down! Life is good!
Okay, done for now. These really will get better. Really. I think I wait until too late at night to be inspired. No, actually I don't write here when I'm inspired. I write here when I am bored and about to go to bed. It's clear my head time. I will try to write when inspired just once. Or maybe just have an actual topic. That would maybe at least serve a purpose.
So, there you have it...boredom sparked it and well, I'm writing to you!
Goodnight, my friend.
Until next time
Casey
So, what is there about today; right now that sparked this once again lame attempt at communication and who exactly am I communicating to? WOW, that was a horrible sentence. And probably not one by definition but I do know what I asked so I will continue. What sparked it? Well, I thought "damn, I should write a little tonight" and then I said "oh but its almost 2" and then I thought, "hey I haven't been on my little blog site in a while. I should probably go there." And here I am.
This is ridiculously lame. Good lord. Maybe I need therapy. No, this is cheaper and far more fun. Fun for me, anyway. You? Well, don't know what to tell you there. Still reading? Maybe YOU need therapy. Or a puppy. Hell, go play scrabble with yourself. Just kidding. If anyone is out there reading, well read on, my friend. And welcome to my world of wordy madness.
Okay now who am I communicating to. Is that even right. Can you communicate TO someone. Don't you have to communicate WITH them? I mean by definition anyway? I should have probably said who am I writing to. Or for? Who am I writing for? Oh, gracious!
I think I have already covered my inability to write properly. Correctly? Well, yeah, you know. That was always my problem in writing my great novel. The run on sentences, passive voice;the list goes on and on. I fixed that problem though. Gave my main character the same inability. Plus she's 11. And from Iowa. So yeah, she writes like an 11 year old little girl from Iowa in 1974. Perfect for me! I have managed to put over 20,000 words on paper now. Pretty happy about that. It's getting good. I am once again happy with it's direction. Good stuff. I will let you know when it's available at Kmart.
We grilled this weekend. The weather was glorious. The burgers were superb and the company was excellent. My kids, my brother and the grand baby. Only one of three, but still a good day. Tomorrow is basement cleaning day. I am actually excited about it. How sad is that? True though. Been looking forward to it. But, I get benefit out of it. The craft room will be up and functional. That is a good thing. And my daughters room will be functional! THAT is a good thing.
So, life is filled with good things. Soon to be clean basement. Character heading in the right direction and book coming to life. Vacation to Colorado in 10 days! Life is good.
Don't get me wrong though...I still have bad hair days, even though I just went yesterday for cut and color...ugh! Ask in a week. My weight still has me in a mess! What the heck...the earth must be a weird gravitational pull. Yeah, I am gonna go with that one. And well...hell, I'm cleaning my own basement and I started my own grill. You figure it out. But hey...no dirty socks to pick up and the toilet seat is always down! Life is good!
Okay, done for now. These really will get better. Really. I think I wait until too late at night to be inspired. No, actually I don't write here when I'm inspired. I write here when I am bored and about to go to bed. It's clear my head time. I will try to write when inspired just once. Or maybe just have an actual topic. That would maybe at least serve a purpose.
So, there you have it...boredom sparked it and well, I'm writing to you!
Goodnight, my friend.
Until next time
Casey
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Procrastination....
WOW!
I am betting that the word procrastination is a synonym for Casey! I have walked twice since I last wrote and not even attempted Jane. Isn't that sad? I have now only 2 weeks to get going on this. Actually, the weight is coming off with the omission of soda from the diet. But it's the toning. And the overall "feel good" part. Only exercise will define that.
You know, these blogs were not supposed to be about my inability to lose weight. Not at all. They were meant to be a sounding board for my writing. Or a venting post for my lack there of or my misguided ramblings in the writing that is NOT supposed to contain that.
Yes, this was for the rambling. For the left over stuff that floats around up there. Wish I knew dream analysis. Had a good one last night. Well, not a good dream but a good one for analyzing. Had the ex in it and he was doing the normal begging thing, I was ignoring. There was a non filtered cigarettes with writing on the paper but of course can not remember what it said. There was rain and a bright pink restored old car (owned by my daughters boss) blocking my way. There was more rain and a pack of wild "mean" dogs. I was trying to get away. Trying to climb a stair case of boulders to get away from dogs. One dog appeared to be "gargoyle like". I reached the top of the boulders and tried to call for help but the numbers I had for people wouldn't work. Were the wrong numbers. And then I woke up.
WHAT THE HECK? I can figure out some of it but some of it is just weird! Okay, most is weird but wow! It was crazy.
That is what this is for. Just rambling. Venting.
The book is coming along fine. Wrote some more in it today. Have finally came to term with some obstacles and I think it will be fine. May have to change the idea of no dialogue. Getting harder to do now that characters need to bond. I hate dialogue. I don't write it well at all. Maybe I will do dialogue "snippets". Yeah, I like that.
Time will tell.
Thanks for listening. I am gonna go to bed for now and start over tomorrow. Jane! Jane! Jane! At least a walk.
Until next time.
Casey
I am betting that the word procrastination is a synonym for Casey! I have walked twice since I last wrote and not even attempted Jane. Isn't that sad? I have now only 2 weeks to get going on this. Actually, the weight is coming off with the omission of soda from the diet. But it's the toning. And the overall "feel good" part. Only exercise will define that.
You know, these blogs were not supposed to be about my inability to lose weight. Not at all. They were meant to be a sounding board for my writing. Or a venting post for my lack there of or my misguided ramblings in the writing that is NOT supposed to contain that.
Yes, this was for the rambling. For the left over stuff that floats around up there. Wish I knew dream analysis. Had a good one last night. Well, not a good dream but a good one for analyzing. Had the ex in it and he was doing the normal begging thing, I was ignoring. There was a non filtered cigarettes with writing on the paper but of course can not remember what it said. There was rain and a bright pink restored old car (owned by my daughters boss) blocking my way. There was more rain and a pack of wild "mean" dogs. I was trying to get away. Trying to climb a stair case of boulders to get away from dogs. One dog appeared to be "gargoyle like". I reached the top of the boulders and tried to call for help but the numbers I had for people wouldn't work. Were the wrong numbers. And then I woke up.
WHAT THE HECK? I can figure out some of it but some of it is just weird! Okay, most is weird but wow! It was crazy.
That is what this is for. Just rambling. Venting.
The book is coming along fine. Wrote some more in it today. Have finally came to term with some obstacles and I think it will be fine. May have to change the idea of no dialogue. Getting harder to do now that characters need to bond. I hate dialogue. I don't write it well at all. Maybe I will do dialogue "snippets". Yeah, I like that.
Time will tell.
Thanks for listening. I am gonna go to bed for now and start over tomorrow. Jane! Jane! Jane! At least a walk.
Until next time.
Casey
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Another Day in the Life of Me...
Okay, so I promised awhile back that these blogs would start being meaningful or did I say purposeful...is that a word? Is there a difference. I think I meant they would basically get better and not just be rambling. I lied.
I ramble and that is all there is to it. It's a flaw.
So, what is my day like? Well, the sun is out finally which is very welcome. Spring is finally here. I am anxious to plant my flowers and start mowing the grass. I won't have a vegetable garden this year, which saddens me. Okay, maybe I will. Just a few tomato plants and maybe some peppers. Yes, that I will do. Just a small one.
But, back to today.
I am at odds with myself over weight. I did so well over the winter, watching it and making sure I didn't pack on those holiday pounds. I was so proud. And then January came. And I left my job. I started writing full time and OMG...freelance writer weight gain-who knew? It is not pretty. Now, my kids and my friends say oh seriously you look fine. WHO are they kidding? So, I am TRYING to lose it.
It's about 15 pounds so it isn't that bad but why is it those extra pounds all go to the same place? You know, spread out a bit wouldn't be so bad. Like 5 in the belly, 5 in the back side and then split the other five up between the "girls"...I could have lived with that...but noooooo....it is all right in the gut! Damn!
So, now I deal with how to hide it. Can't wear sweatshirts in the high 60's, can't not or people look like "damn, moooooove over". So, I wing it while trying to figure out how to lose it.
So, I stop drinking pop. No more Dr. Pepper...sadness! Then I try to always eat breakfast...Special K and bananas. Not bad. Then I bring on the water. I drink a lot of water anyway so drinking even more...a struggle. Then I try cooking differently and the kids go..."WHAT is THAT?" It's brocolli I reply. They order pizza! NICE!
Then, I try exercising. I hate sit ups-they hurt my back. I hate stair climbing-it hurts my knees. I walk. There we go. Not bad but boring! I get an mp3 player. Aretha, The Beatles, KC and the Sunshine Band...great for walking. Then it rains for 3 days. CRAP!
I have about 24 days to lose this weight. I am going on vacation and I want to look and feel great. I do not at this weight. I have to get tough. I have to get serious! I have to go where all women dread.....
JANE FONDA! OMG! She is vicious! She is drastic! The woman is HITLER!
I will start tomorrow! LOL!!
Hey, it's out of the VCR cabinet!(What can I say-it's an old one! LOL)
But that is the plan. Jane everyday!
For now though, I am gonna go walk. It's a nice day and the kids are here with the grandbaby and she wants to go to the park. And she looks adorable at the park...I will show you a pic....see ain't she the cutest? Yep, she sure is. So, off to the park we go. It's a good mile from the house so get me a good little walk in.
Have a great day.
Until next time,
Casey
Is There Life Out There.....
The question of the day for me...Is there life out there? That is a loaded topic and can mean so many things. No, not really. It is pretty simple, isn't it?
I'm pretty new here, can ya tell? Crap! Newbies! Tourists! Nothing like coming in here with my Hawaiian print button up, wearing my camera around my neck, huh? Oh well, now that you know, I can just move on and enlighten you with what I commonly refer to as, rambling...babbling. i do that a lot just to warn ya. It's my way of coping with boredom, writer's block, happiness, sadness....life!
I am a writer. I think I have already covered that. Probably can't tell by the misuse of words in this blog. The unorganized structure and complete destruction of the English language, made all my teachers cringe. I know. Have struggled with that for a long time. Passive voice! Run-on sentences. Incomplete sentences. OMG! I know! But, doesn't change it. I am a writer.
Currently writing the book that has been in my head for 25 years. Six chapters in and I call myself a writer. That doesn't matter. Called myself that when they were just annoying distractions in my head.
So, lets see...what else defines me? Oh, that is awful. Defines me? Where did that come from? WOW! How about what about me annoys my children? Yeah, that is better. Annoys them and makes them laugh. EVEN BETTER!! Here goes:
I am easy as hell to scare, trick, and make fun of. Jokes about age, not having my own teeth and missing out on a corn dog at last years local carnival are the favorites. So, from that you know I am not a young (under 30) and I don't have my own teeth (I do have teeth though so it isn't all bad) and we have a local carnival every year. (truth is I live for one of their corn dogs and we were flooded out and the carnival left before I got one...it was devastating to me) And if you are really paying attention, you know I have children and I live in the Midwest. (did you catch that one?)
They think I am a geek because I love to learn-my son asked me the difference between DNA and RNA just so he could laugh and tell me I should not know that. I smoke too much and my daughter hates it. I love to write and my other daughter loves it! I always cut my hair and expect them to love it when I hate it. I rearrange the furniture all the time and make two of my sons help. I can remember most any phone number I have ever seen and know the numbers to all local pizza places, 3 convenient stores, Kmart, the local grocery store, Walmart and the place my 2nd husband worked 15 years ago. NOW, out of that you should have gotten that I smoke, order pizza and I have been married at least twice. I have at least two daughters and at least 3 sons. You could conclude that my hair isn't long but not real short either. I am at least semi intelligent (and just so you know, I only knew 2 of the 3 differences between DNA and RNA).
They love it when they make me laugh so hard I cry and they giggle when I cry during sad movies. They don't understand how sad Frosty the Snowman really is! That little Karen sobbing over that puddle of water....oh! Gets me every time. Or when Dorothy is about to get into that hot air baloon and she has to say goodbye and she looks at the Scarecrow...."....miss you most of all" OH...UGH! What a tear jerker. Or when Demi Moore looks into the light and Patrick Swayze is there all gold and glittery....and he tells her he loves her and with that tear rolling down her cheek....."Ditto"....Damn! This list could go on and on.
From that you should have gathered that I am a sentimental sort who loves movies; Ghost and The Wizard of Oz being two of my favorites, but that there are many more. You may have suspected that I like older movies and you would be correct. You may also think that I am a movie quote junkie and again you would be correct. Very good. No points lost if you missed that. No points given if you got it. Cool game, huh?
I will have to ask the kids if there is more they love and don't. We will enjoy going over the list. I will let you know what we come up with.
From that you should get that my kids and I best friends and we love games. Even ones we make up. My son and I played Radar cop last night. Sit on dark street and turn your lights on right as cars pass to watch them hit their brakes---funny shit!!
Okay will let you know if they come up with anything else. My friends would be good ones for this game too. My one friend told me last week her favorite thing about me is my laugh. Isn't that funny? The fact that I am charming, intelligent, loyal, funny, nice, and really pretty doesn't do it for her...no it's my laugh! Go figure!
From that you should have got that I am REALLY FUNNY!!
Until next time
Casey
I'm pretty new here, can ya tell? Crap! Newbies! Tourists! Nothing like coming in here with my Hawaiian print button up, wearing my camera around my neck, huh? Oh well, now that you know, I can just move on and enlighten you with what I commonly refer to as, rambling...babbling. i do that a lot just to warn ya. It's my way of coping with boredom, writer's block, happiness, sadness....life!
I am a writer. I think I have already covered that. Probably can't tell by the misuse of words in this blog. The unorganized structure and complete destruction of the English language, made all my teachers cringe. I know. Have struggled with that for a long time. Passive voice! Run-on sentences. Incomplete sentences. OMG! I know! But, doesn't change it. I am a writer.
Currently writing the book that has been in my head for 25 years. Six chapters in and I call myself a writer. That doesn't matter. Called myself that when they were just annoying distractions in my head.
So, lets see...what else defines me? Oh, that is awful. Defines me? Where did that come from? WOW! How about what about me annoys my children? Yeah, that is better. Annoys them and makes them laugh. EVEN BETTER!! Here goes:
I am easy as hell to scare, trick, and make fun of. Jokes about age, not having my own teeth and missing out on a corn dog at last years local carnival are the favorites. So, from that you know I am not a young (under 30) and I don't have my own teeth (I do have teeth though so it isn't all bad) and we have a local carnival every year. (truth is I live for one of their corn dogs and we were flooded out and the carnival left before I got one...it was devastating to me) And if you are really paying attention, you know I have children and I live in the Midwest. (did you catch that one?)
They think I am a geek because I love to learn-my son asked me the difference between DNA and RNA just so he could laugh and tell me I should not know that. I smoke too much and my daughter hates it. I love to write and my other daughter loves it! I always cut my hair and expect them to love it when I hate it. I rearrange the furniture all the time and make two of my sons help. I can remember most any phone number I have ever seen and know the numbers to all local pizza places, 3 convenient stores, Kmart, the local grocery store, Walmart and the place my 2nd husband worked 15 years ago. NOW, out of that you should have gotten that I smoke, order pizza and I have been married at least twice. I have at least two daughters and at least 3 sons. You could conclude that my hair isn't long but not real short either. I am at least semi intelligent (and just so you know, I only knew 2 of the 3 differences between DNA and RNA).
They love it when they make me laugh so hard I cry and they giggle when I cry during sad movies. They don't understand how sad Frosty the Snowman really is! That little Karen sobbing over that puddle of water....oh! Gets me every time. Or when Dorothy is about to get into that hot air baloon and she has to say goodbye and she looks at the Scarecrow...."....miss you most of all" OH...UGH! What a tear jerker. Or when Demi Moore looks into the light and Patrick Swayze is there all gold and glittery....and he tells her he loves her and with that tear rolling down her cheek....."Ditto"....Damn! This list could go on and on.
From that you should have gathered that I am a sentimental sort who loves movies; Ghost and The Wizard of Oz being two of my favorites, but that there are many more. You may have suspected that I like older movies and you would be correct. You may also think that I am a movie quote junkie and again you would be correct. Very good. No points lost if you missed that. No points given if you got it. Cool game, huh?
I will have to ask the kids if there is more they love and don't. We will enjoy going over the list. I will let you know what we come up with.
From that you should get that my kids and I best friends and we love games. Even ones we make up. My son and I played Radar cop last night. Sit on dark street and turn your lights on right as cars pass to watch them hit their brakes---funny shit!!
Okay will let you know if they come up with anything else. My friends would be good ones for this game too. My one friend told me last week her favorite thing about me is my laugh. Isn't that funny? The fact that I am charming, intelligent, loyal, funny, nice, and really pretty doesn't do it for her...no it's my laugh! Go figure!
From that you should have got that I am REALLY FUNNY!!
Until next time
Casey
Tribute to a friend
There is one thing that a woman loves; a man who knows who he is, a man who isn't afraid of who he is and a man who tells her what he wants her to know. This kind of man would never grow old!
I know this man. And he is brilliant in his mind. He recalls poems from his past as if reading them right from a book in front of him, but there is no book. These verses in his mind are about trees and sunsets, waves and brooks. Great loves of late and sad losses of love. They are rich in detail and sweet with sentiment. His voice is gruff but his words are soft. He doesn't care who hears him speak of things so beautiful or sweet; loving or free. He doesn't care if it makes him appear less of a man or not tough enough.
Tonight, he sat with me. We spoke of love and poetry. He smiled when I spoke to him and his eyes had a glimmer, a sparkle that, so often, we miss in men. He put his arm around me and told me he loved the way I loved him. He looked into my eyes and told me he would love to spend the evening with me.
And I smiled. I couldn't help but smile. He then laughed softly and said "you are so very pretty. Why are you so pretty?" I had no answer, but before I could speak, he simply asked me to take him home. I honored that request and pushed his wheelchair through the nursing home halls to the room that he called "home".
His room is small and almost barren compared to the life he has lived. He has had a life full of wonder and amazement. Being a small town girl from Iowa, his life has been far more amazing than I could ever imagine. But, in a few short sentences, he made me feel more amazing than if I were born royalty.
To him, I am not complicated or confusing. And if I am, he simply looked beyond that and told me what he wanted me to know. He knows who is, he isn't afraid of who he is and in December...he will turn 100.
Suddenly, that no longer seems old to me!
This was written last year for a dear friend of mine. He did in fact turn 100 years old that December and told us all he didn't feel 100. He found it hard to believe. Sadly, shortly after that, he quietly passed away as he slept. I will never forget my friend. And he was right, I really did love him.
I know this man. And he is brilliant in his mind. He recalls poems from his past as if reading them right from a book in front of him, but there is no book. These verses in his mind are about trees and sunsets, waves and brooks. Great loves of late and sad losses of love. They are rich in detail and sweet with sentiment. His voice is gruff but his words are soft. He doesn't care who hears him speak of things so beautiful or sweet; loving or free. He doesn't care if it makes him appear less of a man or not tough enough.
Tonight, he sat with me. We spoke of love and poetry. He smiled when I spoke to him and his eyes had a glimmer, a sparkle that, so often, we miss in men. He put his arm around me and told me he loved the way I loved him. He looked into my eyes and told me he would love to spend the evening with me.
And I smiled. I couldn't help but smile. He then laughed softly and said "you are so very pretty. Why are you so pretty?" I had no answer, but before I could speak, he simply asked me to take him home. I honored that request and pushed his wheelchair through the nursing home halls to the room that he called "home".
His room is small and almost barren compared to the life he has lived. He has had a life full of wonder and amazement. Being a small town girl from Iowa, his life has been far more amazing than I could ever imagine. But, in a few short sentences, he made me feel more amazing than if I were born royalty.
To him, I am not complicated or confusing. And if I am, he simply looked beyond that and told me what he wanted me to know. He knows who is, he isn't afraid of who he is and in December...he will turn 100.
Suddenly, that no longer seems old to me!
This was written last year for a dear friend of mine. He did in fact turn 100 years old that December and told us all he didn't feel 100. He found it hard to believe. Sadly, shortly after that, he quietly passed away as he slept. I will never forget my friend. And he was right, I really did love him.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Writer's Block and Denial...
So, it's not writer's block. That is all I keep saying. And it's not. HA! But yet, my "book" has sat for a week now, without one word being written in it. I know what is going to happen next...I have the first few sentences ready and know once they are written, the rest will flow. But, why haven't I written them?
Oh, I have excuses. I claim there are things I have to change first. I need to know time line and crap...whatever! I know the timeline. I know that my character is about to get on a bus with her hippy cousins and travel to a destination that will enlighten, change, and envelop her. She will grow in such a way that it will make her the person she will be for the rest of her life. WHY do I fear that? Is it even possible to fear for a fictional character? And yes, she is fictional. I suppose parts of her are me, but she is part my sister, my friend, my daughters...she is every young girl I have ever met all rolled into one.
This is the part of the book I have been most excited about. This is the part that I have strived to get to. This is the part I have talked about. "Once she is on the bus...it will be great. I won't be able to stop." Is that it? There is a lot that is going to happen now. She is going to meet new people...one in particular. One that will change her life. Maybe that is it. This new character. No, I love the new character she is going to meet. Perhaps I fear the reader won't feel that. Perhaps I worry I will not be able to write this new character with the amount of love necessary. No, I don't think that is it at all.
Well, now my train of thought has stopped again. This is what happens...I am going going and then...poof-stop! Dang it. I need to move my computer into the sun room. The basement was great for isolation in the beginning but now I need sun. And coffee. My coffee pot is upstairs. I actually brought a small one down here but the water is upstairs...what was I thinking. HA!
Okay, now I am babbling. I tend to do that. Ramble. Babble. It's a way to clear my head, I guess. My friends find it annoying. So did all my husbands. HA HA!! That little piece of information could have probably been left unsaid. And it's actually untrue. My husbands found that to be cute. I found THEM to be annoying. But that is a blog all on it's own and someday I may write it...when I am in the mood for a good laugh...of course My Three Stooges has already been done. I will have to call it something else.
Can't really think about a title for that one right now...don't have a title for the current one yet. Some floating around in my head...one just hasn't knocked me off my chair though. Got the second book title. Yeah, there is a second one in my head. That kinda sucks since I started writing this one to get it out of there. I don't think it will stop now. Ideas just keep floating around up there. Wouldn't be bad but it needs to start paying the bills. Maybe I will win the lottery. Not the way to think, right? It will start paying the bills! Soon! Yes, it will!! Maybe that is the problem. I need to believe that. I used to. I could be on to something here.
Hmmm...I do believe I have reached a conclusion. THIS will pay the bills! THIS is what I supposed to be doing!
Gotta go....I got a bus to catch!!
Casey
Oh, I have excuses. I claim there are things I have to change first. I need to know time line and crap...whatever! I know the timeline. I know that my character is about to get on a bus with her hippy cousins and travel to a destination that will enlighten, change, and envelop her. She will grow in such a way that it will make her the person she will be for the rest of her life. WHY do I fear that? Is it even possible to fear for a fictional character? And yes, she is fictional. I suppose parts of her are me, but she is part my sister, my friend, my daughters...she is every young girl I have ever met all rolled into one.
This is the part of the book I have been most excited about. This is the part that I have strived to get to. This is the part I have talked about. "Once she is on the bus...it will be great. I won't be able to stop." Is that it? There is a lot that is going to happen now. She is going to meet new people...one in particular. One that will change her life. Maybe that is it. This new character. No, I love the new character she is going to meet. Perhaps I fear the reader won't feel that. Perhaps I worry I will not be able to write this new character with the amount of love necessary. No, I don't think that is it at all.
Well, now my train of thought has stopped again. This is what happens...I am going going and then...poof-stop! Dang it. I need to move my computer into the sun room. The basement was great for isolation in the beginning but now I need sun. And coffee. My coffee pot is upstairs. I actually brought a small one down here but the water is upstairs...what was I thinking. HA!
Okay, now I am babbling. I tend to do that. Ramble. Babble. It's a way to clear my head, I guess. My friends find it annoying. So did all my husbands. HA HA!! That little piece of information could have probably been left unsaid. And it's actually untrue. My husbands found that to be cute. I found THEM to be annoying. But that is a blog all on it's own and someday I may write it...when I am in the mood for a good laugh...of course My Three Stooges has already been done. I will have to call it something else.
Can't really think about a title for that one right now...don't have a title for the current one yet. Some floating around in my head...one just hasn't knocked me off my chair though. Got the second book title. Yeah, there is a second one in my head. That kinda sucks since I started writing this one to get it out of there. I don't think it will stop now. Ideas just keep floating around up there. Wouldn't be bad but it needs to start paying the bills. Maybe I will win the lottery. Not the way to think, right? It will start paying the bills! Soon! Yes, it will!! Maybe that is the problem. I need to believe that. I used to. I could be on to something here.
Hmmm...I do believe I have reached a conclusion. THIS will pay the bills! THIS is what I supposed to be doing!
Gotta go....I got a bus to catch!!
Casey
Thursday, March 11, 2010
My Daughter...Songwriter, singer, and poet.
My daughter...Songwriter, singer, poet. She asked me to take her senior pictures. I asked her what she wanted them to say about her. She didn't know exactly but she knew she wanted her guitar in them.
We went to a local park and in all it's beauty, even in this dismal early spring, we could not convey what she wanted to say. We captured awesome shots, submerged in the pines, with sunlight trickling through onto her porcelain skin, reflecting in her crystal blue eyes, but yet none said "this is me!" We had the mighty Mississippi as a breathtaking backdrop, us perched high enough to be the eagles themselves, soaring out into the never ending blue sky. Still, not enough.
Her guitar as her sidekick, laughing, posing, smiling, serious, she tried hard to tell me what she wanted. I changed lenses, softened shots, widened them, and took close-ups; I tried it all.
We left the park and headed to lunch; perhaps she could talk me through it and in some part of conversation with her, I could understand.
I had asked her what her music made her feel like. She didn't have a word for it. I told her, for me, it symbolized life and I told her death was part of life and asked her if she thought it would be morbid to take some of her in the cemetery. She was okay with it. On the way there, we passed the cemetery her grandfather is layed to rest. He, too, was a singer and a guitar player. I went there.
This is a shot we got. She loved it. This is what she feels like when she sings. She sings for every person in her life, past or present.
She sang for him while we were there. She sounded better than ever. We are going back today. She wants close-ups.
This says "This is my daughter;song writer, singer, poet."
Casey
Sunday, March 7, 2010
still figuring this out...
My original intention to starting this blog was interaction. I was looking for a site that had members and one could view and comment and interact with each other. It seems this is that but then again, not. I can not seem to find the place to go and search others posts. There are a few featured, it seems, but not a huge selection. Word of mouth then?
My dad belongs to a blog site where there is much interaction and he has acquired quite a few friends there. I hope this is as such and will one day serve as my spot for friends. I was going to join the one my father is on, but decided he needed his space for speaking without "his daughter being in the room", so to speak.
My kids were mad when I got a myspace...and again when I got a facebook. They are pleased I am here now, even though I still frequent facebook.
This is more for venting...creative expression...real conversation about real things and not just "feed my farm animals". For those of you who don't frequent facebook, just ignore that and trust that you don't wanna know.
I am off again in search of life out there. Can ya hear me now? Is there life out there?
Casey
My dad belongs to a blog site where there is much interaction and he has acquired quite a few friends there. I hope this is as such and will one day serve as my spot for friends. I was going to join the one my father is on, but decided he needed his space for speaking without "his daughter being in the room", so to speak.
My kids were mad when I got a myspace...and again when I got a facebook. They are pleased I am here now, even though I still frequent facebook.
This is more for venting...creative expression...real conversation about real things and not just "feed my farm animals". For those of you who don't frequent facebook, just ignore that and trust that you don't wanna know.
I am off again in search of life out there. Can ya hear me now? Is there life out there?
Casey
Saturday, March 6, 2010
The Colorado Sky...
You may have noticed the title and thought, Hey, thought this girl is from Iowa. And you would be right. I was, however, in Colorado this past October and took this shot outside my mom's back door. Thought it was beautiful and decided to share it. I have more that I will share from time to time.
I guess I can add photography to my list of interests. I have quite a few nice nature shots. It's all for fun. Plan on getting a different camera and will be testing it out so will probably be annoying for a spell...THAT sounded okie...I really don't talk like that.
That's all for now. One of these days, my blogs will have purpose. I promise.
Casey
Oreo's Don't Bounce!
HA!
I chose that title because I did not have another one. I actually stole that from my son. It's a funny little story and ya probably had to be there but it's his favorite quote now. All the kids were sitting around chatting and what not and my son, who tends to wander in his thoughts and his ability to listen, suddenly exclaimed, "Oreo's don't bounce!" He, in his pre-occupation, actually thought one of his siblings had said this and he felt the responsibility to correct them. No one to this day has been able to figure out what was actually said, because everybody cracked up and by the time they dried their tears, not one could remember what they were talking about. So, that's my funny little, you had to be there, story.
Now...for this blog. There is no reason for it. There is no point to it. You will probably not learn a thing from it and will end up saying..."well, that is 12 1/2 minutes I will never get back" but...well actually, but nothing.
Here is my last 24 hours...
Babysat my 5 year old granddaughter, who in her own innocent way, has the mind of a 24 year old, who told me the girl on the TV was HOT!, the voices in her ear tells her she is ugly, and informed me she must let her feet have fresh air or, she doesn't know HOW, but she is sure they will die without it. I made chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, a sash with sticky letters, spelling out I love mommy and i love daddy. Went to Long John Silvers and experienced an odd powdery substance coming out of the salt shaker so returned my food and asked they make fresh, which they did, went through Taco Bell drive thru to accommodate my youngest son who wanted a cheesy gordida crunch, stopped for cigs, screamed at my car when it lost all power after just putting in a new $115 battery, figured out it is in fact the alternator that is defective, screamed at my car again, made up with my car and asked that it please forgive me and start again, drank a pot of coffee, ate some of the mac and cheese I made, found someone to fix my car, checked out ordering flowers for an aunt who is in a nursing home, called to see what movies are playing, called my brother to tell him my car is down again and we can't go bowling tonight, silently cheered that I don't have to go bowling tonight, wished that I was going somewhere tonight, smiled when my daughter said my hair looks really good, checked and replied to 3 emails, checked my facebook and accepted a couple new friend requests, felt really old when I saw a picture of an old friends little brother who is now a grown man, sent my sister a pic of this now grown man to make her feel old as well, watched Sleepless in Seattle, washed a load of laundry, read a card from a friend, put my make up on, did my hair, realized these are in no particular order, called my son, texted my other son, chatted with my daughter, called a friend, called the auto parts store, wrote down the address to the nursing home so I can send flowers, and contemplated writing here or not.
I think that sums it up. Kind of a slow day...LOL!
Well, some of that happened last night...this was a 24 hour recap. Oh I forgot sleeping. I did sleep for about 6 hours. And drank 5 or 6 bottles of water. I need to go get another one now. I drink a lot of water.
I promise the blogs won't always be like this. Some will be worse!
Thanks for stopping by.
Casey
I chose that title because I did not have another one. I actually stole that from my son. It's a funny little story and ya probably had to be there but it's his favorite quote now. All the kids were sitting around chatting and what not and my son, who tends to wander in his thoughts and his ability to listen, suddenly exclaimed, "Oreo's don't bounce!" He, in his pre-occupation, actually thought one of his siblings had said this and he felt the responsibility to correct them. No one to this day has been able to figure out what was actually said, because everybody cracked up and by the time they dried their tears, not one could remember what they were talking about. So, that's my funny little, you had to be there, story.
Now...for this blog. There is no reason for it. There is no point to it. You will probably not learn a thing from it and will end up saying..."well, that is 12 1/2 minutes I will never get back" but...well actually, but nothing.
Here is my last 24 hours...
Babysat my 5 year old granddaughter, who in her own innocent way, has the mind of a 24 year old, who told me the girl on the TV was HOT!, the voices in her ear tells her she is ugly, and informed me she must let her feet have fresh air or, she doesn't know HOW, but she is sure they will die without it. I made chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, a sash with sticky letters, spelling out I love mommy and i love daddy. Went to Long John Silvers and experienced an odd powdery substance coming out of the salt shaker so returned my food and asked they make fresh, which they did, went through Taco Bell drive thru to accommodate my youngest son who wanted a cheesy gordida crunch, stopped for cigs, screamed at my car when it lost all power after just putting in a new $115 battery, figured out it is in fact the alternator that is defective, screamed at my car again, made up with my car and asked that it please forgive me and start again, drank a pot of coffee, ate some of the mac and cheese I made, found someone to fix my car, checked out ordering flowers for an aunt who is in a nursing home, called to see what movies are playing, called my brother to tell him my car is down again and we can't go bowling tonight, silently cheered that I don't have to go bowling tonight, wished that I was going somewhere tonight, smiled when my daughter said my hair looks really good, checked and replied to 3 emails, checked my facebook and accepted a couple new friend requests, felt really old when I saw a picture of an old friends little brother who is now a grown man, sent my sister a pic of this now grown man to make her feel old as well, watched Sleepless in Seattle, washed a load of laundry, read a card from a friend, put my make up on, did my hair, realized these are in no particular order, called my son, texted my other son, chatted with my daughter, called a friend, called the auto parts store, wrote down the address to the nursing home so I can send flowers, and contemplated writing here or not.
I think that sums it up. Kind of a slow day...LOL!
Well, some of that happened last night...this was a 24 hour recap. Oh I forgot sleeping. I did sleep for about 6 hours. And drank 5 or 6 bottles of water. I need to go get another one now. I drink a lot of water.
I promise the blogs won't always be like this. Some will be worse!
Thanks for stopping by.
Casey
Friday, March 5, 2010
A First Blog: Just a Few Basics
A description of self? Or a description of blog? I will go with self as blogs will vary.
I may ,as well, in time, but right now, I am very simple.
Mother, daughter, sister, friend. Add to that, granddaughter, niece, aunt, cousin. Add a splash of Grammy and you got me.
Writer, poet, karaoke singer and trivia buff.
Reading, writing, fishing, camping, walking, crafts and being with family and friends.
All in all, I have good hair days and bad, my weight goes up and down 10 pounds at it's own leasure, I tend to smoke too much and probably drink too little. I am writing my first novel. I love coffee to the point of obsession.
I don't believe in friends with benefits, online love, or walmart's self checkout lanes. I do believe in soulmates, destiny and Santa. I believe in God and talk to him frequently.
I will be funny and serious. Intelligent and not. I don't like the word stupid and I'm not dumb so there you have it.
My blog site is for all. I enjoy interaction and thrive for it at times.
This blog will be all of me. All my personalities...all rolled into one! How fun!
Hope it's entertaining. Full of knowledge, insight, humor and friendship.
Nice meeting you.
Casey
A description of self? Or a description of blog? I will go with self as blogs will vary.
I may ,as well, in time, but right now, I am very simple.
Mother, daughter, sister, friend. Add to that, granddaughter, niece, aunt, cousin. Add a splash of Grammy and you got me.
Writer, poet, karaoke singer and trivia buff.
Reading, writing, fishing, camping, walking, crafts and being with family and friends.
All in all, I have good hair days and bad, my weight goes up and down 10 pounds at it's own leasure, I tend to smoke too much and probably drink too little. I am writing my first novel. I love coffee to the point of obsession.
I don't believe in friends with benefits, online love, or walmart's self checkout lanes. I do believe in soulmates, destiny and Santa. I believe in God and talk to him frequently.
I will be funny and serious. Intelligent and not. I don't like the word stupid and I'm not dumb so there you have it.
My blog site is for all. I enjoy interaction and thrive for it at times.
This blog will be all of me. All my personalities...all rolled into one! How fun!
Hope it's entertaining. Full of knowledge, insight, humor and friendship.
Nice meeting you.
Casey
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