Tuesday, July 19, 2011

It's a Trend!

I am seeing a trend.
No, not on Twitter. Come on, people...it isn't always about Twitter. (Right? Please tell me that's right, cause I put some stupid stuff on Twitter.)
Okay, anyway, don't side track me. Have you not realized by now, that my attention span is NOT a virtue! Seriously, I'm like those dogs in that one movie...."SQUIRREL!" What movie was that? OH---See? Stop that.
(UP, The Movie)
Okay, so, I am seeing a trend.
First, I saw a blog about dating over 40....oh crap, now I gotta go find it so I can link you to it. Apparently, it really is a thing. And then, I saw an article about getting a job over 40. (Crap, I need that link, too) This could take some time! (Dating Over 40 and The Other One)
Okay, so I got to thinking...is there something wrong with being over 40? Is it a stigma? Is it contagious? Cause, I think people think it is. Then I got to thinking about all the other "groups" that have a stigma...you know, like a blemish on your character...or a big oozing pock mark on your personality. Depends on the level of self esteem you have left as to how you view these groups....Some can be compliments-others, not.
But, we do group people. As a society we "group" people, like little fraternities, but without the cool parties!

Single mothers * Divorced Women * Divorced Single Mothers * Dead Beat Dads * Stay Home Moms *Stay Home Dads * Self Published Authors * Women Over Forty * Fifty and Fabulous * Big and Tall * Domestic Goddesses *Smokers * Ex-Smokers *99-ers *Non-Traditional Students *Job Seekers *Applicants *Working Mothers * Women Writers * Career Women * Baby Boomers * Players * Gamers * Bloggers * Indie Authors * Teen Mothers/Fathers

Obviously not a complete list, but, some of the most popular. So, what does this all mean and what is my point? Well, obviously, I don't have a point and it means nothing....kinda like that game show, where nobody wins and the points don't matter. (Who's Line Is It Anyway)
But, on that same note, there is something I want. Something that we should do. If we are gonna group people that is...

I mean, seriously! Why not? What better way to prove we are not judging anybody by grouping them? That's right. I said throw parties!
It's easy....from now on, when we group somebody by saying "she's a single mom" or "they are smokers" or "hey, all women over 40"...I'm thinking that conversation should end with "You are cordially invited to...."
How much fun would that be? It'd be freakin' awesome. In fact, I think this idea should be retroactive. By that I mean, we owe people a lot of parties.
Heck, just based on the above list.....

I am a Single Divorced Mother Over 40 who spent years as a Stay Home, Domestic Goddess, before becoming a Non-Traditional Student to be a Working Mother in a world full of Job seekers and Applicants until finally going for the dream of a Woman Indie Writer. Add to that I have become a 99-er, a Blogger, a Chronic Smoker and mother of a Teen-Father who is a Stay Home Dad. And now, I am well on my way, to being Fifty and Fabulous! (that's enough parties to get me to retirement!!)

So, what about that trend of being over 40? Dating over 40? Getting a job over 40?
Doesn't matter really....
I heard #FiftyIsTheNew29 is going to trend on Twitter!
And it really is all about Twitter! Right?

Until next time,

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Would the Real Me Please Stand Up?

So, I've talked about my kids, and my parents. I've rambled on about my book and writing. And I have even talked a little bit about jobs and the fact I need one.
But, I haven't really talked about me....The real me!
Not the "me" who thinks about cutting her hair every other day, or wishes she could lose 10 pounds. Not the "me" who talks about how much she loves Dr. Pepper but tries not to drink it. Not the "me" who believes George Clooney will someday give up on her and marry a super model, already! Not even the "me" who proposes to John Cusack on Twitter when she has nothing else to say....No, believe it or not, the real me actually knows John Cusack would never marry a girl who proposes on Twitter and that poor George is stuck-delusional even, in thinking this would all be given for him. (Please George, I beg of you! MOVE ON!)
No, I'm talking about the real me. The one who deals with life everyday. The one who deals with the struggle and the stress. The one who budgets, cleans, taxi's, and cooks. The one doing the laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming, and the dusting. The one who counsels kids, gives advice and loans $5 for gas. The one who listens to her friend complain about her husband, daughter complain about her lovelife, and son complain that he's bored. The one who worries about her parents, frets about money, and occasionally contemplates really stalking John Cusack.
But, most importantly, I'm talking about the real me!
The absolute real me is the one who wakes up every morning and wonders if all this has been a dream and if there really is a gorgeous hunk of a man in her kitchen making Hazelnut coffee.
The real "me" wonders if men realize asking a girl "wanna ride my Harley sometime" is not the same as asking her on a date. She's the one who thinks that just once a guy could say "You are really pretty" instead of saying "Baby, you're so hot". The one who thinks a kiss goodnight is romantic and it doesn't make you less of a man if you try for just one.
The real "me" who wonders if she will ever find that one she is supposed to be with forever. (Sit down, George! It is NOT you! See? He's obsessed!)
Here's some thoughts from the real me...
The real me doesn't want to get married. I have been down that road a time or two (or three). It's safe to say, I don't like husbands.
I don't want to take care of someone. I have enough trouble taking care of myself.
I don't need someone to take care of me. That is just damn scary and men are too fickle...they change their mind and, poof, I'm livin' in a box! No thanks!
I am not looking for a souvenir to drag to family parties that my brothers can wrestle with. I am, however, interested in drinking a beer or two with my father and if someone were there to open the bottle, that would be great!
Not looking for someone to mow the grass, drive the boat, or man the grill. But, if he happens to HAVE a lawn mower, OWN a boat and can bring his own grill, that, too, would be great.
Not looking for a guy to clean my gutters, repair leaking faucets, or figure out what that noise in the furnace is...I have a landlord for that, but if he wants to kill a spider, change a lightbulb on the porch, or pump my gas, that would be super!
Also, not looking for someone to cook for everyday, pick up after, or feed their ego.
Not looking to cater to, explain to, or justify the actions of me or my kids. We are who we are. Not perfect. Not exciting. Not rich. Not famous. Not at all.
Doesn't have to be an Einstein or anything. Doesn't need to have his face in a book at all times. But it is helpful that he knows what a book is and may actually be kinda cool if he has read one, in say, the last 20 years or so.
Don't want him to cry in a Kodak commercial or anything but a little sentiment goes a long way. Like if the Mayhem guy does anything at all for him, I am good with that.
I don't want him to live in his mother's basement or anything, but he needs to at least know her first and last name and occasionally speak to her. And "I'm sorry, you have the wrong number doesn't count." And while we are at it, "Hey You, there is something I need to discuss about that time in the 4th grade..." is pretty much a deal breaker, too.
Don't want someone I can beat up but don't want President of the WWE either.
Don't want a guy who calls his time in witness protection, his stint in prison, or his unemployment "a vacation".
Don't want a guy who lives in a bar, at his job, in his car, above someone's garage, in my garage, on my couch, or in a storage facility he has converted into an efficiency apartment. He doesn't have to own his own home, but he can't make me hide under a blanket and pretend he's not there if his landlord knocks on the door.
If we are in a relationship and he refers to our intimate moments as "hittin' it", "bangin'" or any other colorful, slang use of vulgarity- he can bet I will tell his friends I broke up with him because he couldn't "bang it" effectively!
(Which, in my experience of the men who use those phrases, well, I would not be lying.)
Tattoos in moderation are fine, but not as a substitute for clothes and self portraits, Nazi symbols and anything they can make dance is not attractive. 
Well, by now, you are asking "where is she getting all of this?" Believe or not, from experience.
Yes, I have met most of these men and even married a couple of them. It has not been pretty. Now, of course not all of this is without imagination or exaggeration. I mean, even I realize by now, that George is not giving up.

But, you may also be asking what does the real me want?
That is a loaded question. I will try to answer.

I want the old fashioned thing. The guy who talks and listens. The guy who loves me from the inside out. The guy who thinks about me all day. The guy who tells his friends about me. The guy who remembers those silly things I like.
Doesn't exist?
Oh, it does. Granted - He married my mom! But, any whoooo, a girl can dream!
And what am I willing to give?
All of who I am. A single mother of five who thinks about cutting her hair and losing 10 pounds while smoking, writing, reading, eating, singing, dreaming, wishing, hoping and praying. A woman who proposes to John Cusack regularly and would leave you in a heartbeat if he ever took her up on it. A Grammy who thinks her grandkids are way cuter than her first generation kids, and would hate you til your death if you ever even thought about hurting any of them. A girl at heart who thinks her dad is the best man on the planet. A karaoke, bar-hating junkie, a book loving, non-library card holding geek, an unemployed workaholic, a published, unknown author, a starving writer, a poet, a flutist, a painter, a photographer, and her kids' friend.
A sister, an aunt, a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece, a cousin, an ex-wife, an ex-girlfriend, a former co-worker, a former boss, a former employee, and a former student.
A blogger, a Twit(terer), a Stumbler, a Scrabble lover, a coffee addict, a best friend, and a trivia buff. A lover of Elton John, Eva Cassidy, The Cranberries, and Ellen! Someone who likes black and white movies and oldies music, believes in Santa, wants to be an elf, and lives for Christmas! One who cries in sad movies, at the end of Frosty the Snowman and during fireworks. One with Christmas traditions she won't give up, superstitions she doesn't falter from, and a collection of ugly chairs her kids try to throw away.
A simple woman who is grateful for what she has, unapologetic for what she doesn't, proud of who her kids have become and excited for who they have yet to be, confident in the choices she has made and ready for  those to come.
So, until then I just wake up every day and wonder....WHAT IF there was a gorgeous guy in my kitchen making Hazelnut coffee? Oh hell, I would have to get up!
Just bring me the coffee!

Until next time,

Friday, July 1, 2011

Things I've Done...Things I Wish 2011

I thought it fitting to make a "Half Way Through Year 2011" list. Why? Well, because it's July 1st and that's half way through year 2011. Try to keep up! :)
So, most of you know I have been crazy busy since last August. And that I am not a consistent blogger despite my attempts to be. And that I usually write about kids...my book....my addiction to coffee, Dr. Pepper, and cigarettes, or I just babble.
Well, this post is not a venture away from the norm. I am going to post about kids, my book, my addiction to coffee, Dr. Pepper, and cigarettes, and I am going to babble. It's just going to be in an organized "list". Yeah, I know, exciting, huh? Yeah, I know....I need to get out more.

So, here we go. A list of things I've done and things I still wish (either for or about) half way through year 2011...
(in no particular order)

Survived Blizzard 2011...
This is not my driveway but is courtesy of my friend's facebook page the morning after. Thank, RB!
Lived through yet another Valentine's Day
Saw my book cover for the first time.
Approved my final edit.
Did a radio interview.
Kept a promise to a friend.
First person I ever told that I was writing a book and promised him the first copy.
Love ya, Skippy, (aka K.H.)

Released Just Sippy to the public...With a fantastic PARTY!

(Still feeling gratitude and love for all who attended!)

Received Elton John concert tickets that night! AMAZING!
Started Book tour in Colorado. Spent 3 glorious weeks there.
April 12, 2011 SAW ELTON JOHN IN CONCERT! Don't mean to scream but seriously, it was ELTON!
Promoted book throughout Colorado, Nebraska, and Iowa
Back at home, I planted flowers and gave my yard much needed color!
Spent a weekend in Omaha with my bestie and had another book signing.
Proposed to John Cusack. (more than once, actually!)
Had a Mother's Day picnic with the kiddos
Did a book signing at the Farmer's Market and tasted the best cantaloupe of my life!
Spent many Wednesday's in "The Joe Zone" (Click the link to learn more about these glory days)
 The Joe's "Family Famous" rendition of The Star Spangled Banner. Classic!
Spent Sundays with kiddos for family day; watching movies, playing board games, sitting on the deck, and eating large quanities of food!
Received great reviews of my book, Just Sippy. Read some of them here. And on Amazon!

Celebrated 40 years of marriage with my parents!
THIS was a good time!
Wrote songs with my daughter
Filmed my daughter singing her own songs. (Videos coming soon, I promise)
Started being a little more faithful to my blog. And Twitter. 
Started a "full blown, now is the time to get serious, no more kidding around, revamp the resume, personalize all cover letters" job search!
Drank an obsessive amount of coffee.
Cut back on Dr. Pepper
Thought about cutting my hair on several occasions
Thought about dieting on several occasions
Made a lot of new friends, in person, and on Twitter, Facebook, and in the Blog world.
Started a new story.
Saw awesome fireworks at local carnival (cried like a baby...Weird, I know...it's a flaw)
Rode a ferris wheel
Changed that new story
Took a break from that story
Welcomed my mother back for a visit.
Cleaned my house profusely before my mother's visit.
Sang karaoke
Experienced the best 6 months of my life!

Now, for my wishes...
Weight loss
Good hair days
A fantastic employer to realize I am all that AND a bag of chips and need a snack!
See glorious fireworks!
Be #1 on Amazon. (Hey these are wishes!)
George Clooney to stop waiting for me and get married already! I hate being responsible for all these super models' broken hearts. It's just not fair. MOVE ON GEORGE!
Get my daughter to go viral on youtube (Videos soon, I promise)
Have another picnic
Go camping and fishing
Forever "In the Joe Zone" days!
My son to suddenly realize taking out the trash is his job!
My grass to be mowed regularly.
Benefits! (note to possible future employer...lack of this is NOT a deal breaker! Seriously. Not a deal breaker.)
Time to organize my house
Have a successful, "sorry, I'm sold out" garage sale!
Go to garage sales (if the above is accomplished, I will have so much room!)
A bigger, less expensive house. (I know....wishes, remember?)
Have a functional kitchen! (you have no idea! Design on a Dime couldn't fix this!)
A Dishwasher
GET A JOB! (Attention all employers...check your mail....I'm in there! And I ROCK!)
Open my own business. (great idea/no capital. Attention: Investors....LOL!)
Go back to school (This should have been #1, if it was in order. Just sayin')
Win the lottery!
Write more songs with my daughter. (she's a genius.)
Last night I wrote words and in less than 10 minutes, she had melody!
It was nuts! Video soon...
I do have a blooper.....she would kill me....
If she knew...
Okay, but promise not to tell her. 
Oh, and don't hold it against me as a blogger, writer, friend, person, or parent....
Like a sailor. Just once. And she actually SINGS it.....well, okay. 
Send your kids out of the room and then play the video. 
Remember, it's a blooper......oh, and don't tell her!
LMAO! We laughed so hard! It was excellent!
Well, this post is long enough and if you are even still reading, well, thank you so much. It wasn't my intent to really babble this much.
You know I can really sum it up by saying that I have had a great 2011 so far.
Yes, it has had it's ups and it's downs.
It is getting a little scary.
But, I have great kids and awesome parents and I know it is going to be okay!
Did I mention I would really like a job?
Until next time,