Saturday, March 3, 2012

Too Much Testosterone and a Red Microwave

Someone said to me that they like my witty posts and then asked, "Why did you stop?"
I didn't stop. I really didn't. My little mind is turning and churning with thoughts and wit...Then it hit me....oh nobody else is in here...I get it.

So, what have I been up to? Well, let me enlighten you....

For four months I worked 13 days in a row for 1 off. At my job I tray, pack, sweep, load, unload, clean, tray, pack, sweep, load, unload, and clean--repeat as necessary.
It's a great job and I love it, but it's not funny. Thank goodness we are on a 5 day work week again!

On to the next son turned 18 a couple months ago. My last of five to enter into adulthood. Which basically means I can now move to Tahiti, The Bahamas, Cozumel....pick one! However, I have spent my whole adult life raising children and have not a dime saved. True story, but not funny.

Next, I have been counseling my sister who is in marital turmoil. More specifically, her husband of 22 years just walked away. Again, not funny...

So, what is funny in my world? All of the above. Yes, believe it or not, in some way or another, I can find humor in any's a gift.

Starting with work...can we say too much testosterone? Seriously. It's like being married sometimes. I work in a man's world and they are seeping testosterone all over the place. Of course, not a one of 'em has as much as they think they do. And, like a having a husband, I need less medication as time goes on but the desire to throw heavy objects increases dramatically. Is there balance? Haven't found it yet. I make funny faces behind their backs and usually say something, completely inappropriate, amid the roar of loud machinery. When they turn my way, I just smile and give a thumbs up. That part is funny.
By the time I get a day off (even during a 5 day work week) my house is a wreck, my laundry piled high, my fridge is empty, my sink is full, and my gas light is on. I am exhausted, my feet hurt, my back hurts, and I want large bottles of Tylenol washed down with cold bottles of Miller Lite! That, too, has proven to be funny. Especially, if I throw an Ambien in the mix. I am just kidding, but you get the idea.

Next, my 18 year old who loves to lay claim to fame with the ever popular, "I am an adult now" statement, usually bombards me with, "Hey, will you buy me a pop", "I'm starving", or "What's for dinner?"
I kindly remind him how much his rent will be, how much I will charge for cleaning services, taxi service, babysitting service, and how I want my eggs done when he fixes ME breakfast! He shuts up pretty quick. That is pretty funny.

And finally....marital turmoil. I recently told my sister I want to write a new book entitled, "Who Needs Therapy-I Have A Sister." It would be a collection of our e-mails to each other during this madness.
Her husband, who I now refer to as "WHF" (What's His Face) has experienced something between a mid-life crisis and The 'Don't look now, cause I am about to prove to you what an idiot I am and how everyone knows it but you' Syndrome. And yes, that really is a thing. Most men have it but only show occasional symptoms, therefore it is overlooked in most formal diagnosis'. (Sorry, guys....probably a really bad time for you to choose to follow, but super glad you are here.)

Let me say, for the record, I am not a "man-hater". Really, I am not. I love men. My sons are men. My brothers are men. Even my dad is a man. So, I do truly LOVE men. It's husbands I hate! Those guys are just dumb! Any husbands out there reading many times in the last week have you said "oh Sh!%..." and fumbled with how you were going to explain something to your wife? Be honest. That's what I thought. And if you said "none", don't think you are in the clear....she WILL find out!
And, for the record, I don't hate ALL husbands. My friends are married to some of the good guys and my mom did okay for her self and I guess my sister-in-law got lucky too, but, well, my point has been made.

(*Special note to WHF...Don't worry about it...we will take care of each other!!! DUH!)

So, that's what I have been up to. Took a look at my previous post that listed the top 10 things I want to do in 2012. I think that was it. Notice I said "took at look at my previous post..." It did not say DOING THE THINGS on my previous post.
But, pretty sure I covered the procrastination part. That is also a syndrome and I totally have it.

But, from the list...I have not gone on nor taken myself on a date; real or otherwise. I did take my son through the McDonald's drive-thru twice but pretty sure that doesn't count.
I have not stopped smoking nor lost a few pounds. Neither one of those things interested me in the slightest so were moved to the bottom of the list to be done AFTER I complete the things on the top of the list.
I have not organized my house, although I have found a new one. More about that later. But I will say it is a FIVE, count 'em...FIVE bedroom upper, close to the river, with a jacuzzi tub so it's all good.

Now, I have been writing...Book #2 is coming to life. That does make me smile a lot. Oh, hey that was on the list, too!
And, I bought that fire engine red microwave!
Pretty much sums it up! Will be moving into the new place this next weekend and with an apartment that is intoxicating with inspiration, that new book will be on the shelf before we know it!
And more posts will be on here. I always post when inspired.

So, to my friend who likes my witty posts and asked why I stopped...
I didn't stop!
That will never happen.

Until next time,